I’ll Love You Forever…Terms and Conditions May Apply

Anyone who says conjugal, romantic love can be unconditional is a damned liar.  Or supremely naivè.  Or just hasn’t given any educated, close thought on the thing.

(talk about an ironic topic on which to post: my relationship grooved into the next serious phase and I’m writing about what conjugal love can’t do or be)

Let’s talk about this for a spell.  Actually, let’s not talk.  How about I just ramble and you fool me into thinking you’re listening, hm?

If I had children, my love for them would be unconditional, as it were.  I’m speaking completely hypothetically since I don’t know.  My unborn children could mass-murder their way across the USA and I’d still love them.  I’d dislike the kind of person/people they had become, but I’d love them.  I’d still care for them and have an innate, instinctual parental feeling.  I don’t think that sort of love can just disappear.  Something that your body and heart produced will always prove dear and close to you.  Just like the bastard rants I vomited out when I was fourteen; it was is god-awful and it took unimaginable strength to not vandalize the piss out of it. 

(….aaaaand here we are, still writing piss for poetry and prose and convincing myself otherwise.  hooray for zero shits given!)

Conjugal love, the love you feel toward another in a relationship, courting, etc. is NOT unconditional.  Do ya…do ya wanna know why?  Cause we (I, you, your significant other) put conditions on it!  (Captain Obvious, FTW)  You probably wouldn’t continue to adore and fawn over someone who doesn’t respect, love, treasure and return your feelings in kind, right?  You expect certain things from your main squeeze.  If these needs aren’t met, you probably aren’t going to stick around for long.  If you do, you’re probably kinda dumb and quasi-miserable, with no one to blame but yourself, ruing the day you fell in love and possibly on a steady diet of Cheez-Whiz and boxed wine.  (when combined without the rue=delicious)

So…enough about loving someone until the end of time no matter what.  You’re lying.  Obviously, we don’t start and/or stay in relationships expecting (and hopefully not fearing) that lying, cheating, manipulation, etc. transpire.  However, it happens.  Relationships end.  You have baggage for the next person to deal with.  Therapy.  Whatever.  *Yawn*

At any rate, the conditions you put forth are likely (hopefully…maybe regrettably) matched in some shape or form by your love-bird.  Should these conditions, trusts, yadayada be betrayed or broken, contract null and void.  You’re single with six cats.  Congrats.

It reminds me a bit of a book I’ve picked through called His Needs, Her Needs:


(see?  No cats!)

Aaaaw…look!  A heterosexual, caucasian, late twenty-something, nearly-matching couple!  They’re so cute!

This book is totally not up my alley.  That being said, I gave it a chance and found some relatively useful (and some useless) bits of wisdom.  Not really new information, just a different way of looking at men and women (giggidy).

Relationships are shitty sometimes.  That’s the truth.  Calling your love unconditional for your old man/lady makes you kind of a shithead, though. 

I feel like I could make a game-show tesing how “unconditional” romantic love is.  Please, come to me claiming you love your husband/wife unconditionally!  I present you with a bunch of cheating, scheming, jealous, crazy-bitch, your-shit’s-in-the-yard-on-fire, whoops-I-got-wasted-and-stole-and-crashed-your-car tests.  Every day is a new reason to hate your spouse!

Oh, wait.  I think I invented Jacksonville, NC.  Gah, foiled again. 

5 thoughts on “I’ll Love You Forever…Terms and Conditions May Apply

  1. Words of wisdom, and also a good lesson for everyone to learn.
    #1 thing in a relationship is communications, without that all else will eventually fail.


    • I absolutely agree. Living in this forsaken military town has opened my eyes to how many couples are playing house. Sad, really.


  2. an interesting post. i think we are in love with the “idea” of unconditional, romantic love though. we’d love to have it, experience it, feel it. I still like to think it’s possible. but then, that’s the romantic in me.


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