Straw Man

So, big things coming up this month.  Big things.  They could go in my favor or not.  The only thing I can do is prepare as much as possible and ultimately, the only person I can blame if things go badly is myself.

Something something about Christmas coming up…blah blah.  I don’t much care for this holiday.  Though I will decorate and celebrate because when else is it appropriate to hang blinking, colorful lights all over your house?  Plus, I like the sound of jingley bells.

I can remember back in high school (and even in college) preparing for tests by…not preparing for tests.  I rarely felt as if I wasn’t going to pass so I just didn’t worry.  Not to say I didn’t care; I just didn’t stress.  Some of my friends would get so nervous they would chew their nails or swing their feet and one in particular used to lose his hair.  For reals.

Now that I’m in the job-seeking world, testing for employment makes me nervous.  Even if it’s something I know I shouldn’t have a problem with, this isn’t for a grade or a number or my report card to show my parents so they can brag about how freakin’ smart I am.  This is for a job.  A means for survival.  ‘Cause the worst thing that could happen is I just…don’t get a position I’ve been vying for (more than vying…striving for?  Dying for?  Busting my theoretical balls for?).

That’s devastating.  I’m trying to stay positive and trying to focus but damn…I feel so much  more weight now.  It has nothing to do with expectations other people have; I’m scared to disappoint myself.  Which I’ve done before (flashback to Epic…ugh).

So, wish me luck, though I don’t believe in luck.  Tell me I’ll ace it even though I’ll never be that confident.

I’m gonna go kick some academic ass…or die trying.

Next up…kicking physical challenges’ ass…or let a hundred and eighty pounds of plastic and rubber dummy crush me beneath him.

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